It is infertility awareness week April 24 – April 30th, 2022 in Canada. Roughly 16% (1 in 6) couples in Canada experience infertility. Regardless of how many people experience a fertility journey, it can still feel isolating. It is important to surround out friends who are experiencing a fertility journey with love and support. Here are 8 ways you can support a friend going through a fertility journey.
8 ways to support a friend through a fertility journey
- Listen: seems simple enough but it is often missed. When you’re asking them how they’re doing, be intent on actually listening and not necessarily responding with the “best response”. Hear them, allow them to share, embrace silence, embrace tears, laughter, anger, any emotion.
- Avoid “Toxic Positivity” when responding to a friend going through a fertility journey, such as “everything happens for a reason” or “don’t worry, everything will work out”. You may be well-intentioned, but it might feel invalidating or dismissive.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Those experiencing infertility are likely receiving professional support through the fertility process. If they want advice, they will ask you. Try to be there to listen, rather than give advice.
- Practical Support: provide support that is helpful in a practical way. For example, drop off meals, drive to appointments, pick up medications.
- Educate yourself: learn more about infertility or a friend’s diagnosis, understand more so you are able to ask fewer questions and can lend an ear to listen instead. Show your friend that you have an interest in understanding what they’re going through.
- Don’t make assumptions: Women experience infertility in different ways. It is not a “one-size-fits-all” approach to supporting them. Try to ask your friend how you can be supportive and don’t assume you know what they need.
- Be inclusive: When people are uncomfortable with a topic, they often avoid it. Infertility can become the elephant in the room, so to speak. Friends might start to avoid talking to a friend who is going through a fertility journey when they become pregnant or have a baby themselves. Be open and ask your friend if they want to hang out, demonstrate empathy (but not pity) towards their feelings and ensure that you make them feel included, welcome and missed, but also let them know you understand if they would rather not engage in pregnancy related conversations or be with pregnant women/newborns for the time being.
- Be there: One day at a time, one appointment at a time, one step at a time. This is a journey and many times there it can feel a lot like “hurry up and wait”. This can greatly impact someone’s emotions and mood on a daily basis. Understand this and meet your friend ‘where they are at’ during each encounter.
Please remember, no one is perfect. You don’t have to say the perfect thing. You just have to be a good friend. Lead with love.
Lisha Cash
MSW, RSW, Psychotherapist
Nest & Nurture Psychotherapy