Support in Your Fertility Journey
It is infertility awareness week April 24 – April 30th, 2022 in Canada. Roughly 16% (1 in 6) couples in Canada experience infertility. Regardless of how many people experience a fertility journey, it can still feel isolating. It is important to surround yourself with love and support. Here are 7 ways you can support yourself & receive support through a fertility journey.
7 Ways to Support Yourself Through a Fertility Journey
- Find your support team: determine who you can be vulnerable with to share the deepest aspects of this journey with. Who might this be?
– Your social circle: find the people that you can feel the most vulnerable and safe to share all aspects of your journey with. Look within your friends and family circle to determine who is your best support during this time. People can fit in some areas
– Individual therapy: seeking out a therapist who understands infertility and can support you on an individual basis would provide a safe space to share, without judgment.
– Support Group: these journeys can feel isolating, especially when those around you have not experienced personal fertility challenges. Women find support groups to be very helpful in feeling less alone and sharing their feelings in a space where others have some understanding of what they’re going through.
– Couples’ counselling: If you find that the stress and overwhelm of the fertility journey has created barriers and challenges within your relationship, seek a therapist who is well versed in couples therapy and infertility. - Be honest: be open with what kind of support you need with those you are close to. Everyone requires different kinds of support, and it is normal for this to shift and transform as time goes on. Therefore, your support circle may not know how to support you, and may do so in ways that are deemed unhelpful. It is important that you navigate how someone can best support you through this journey, and be honest when support is unhelpful at the time.
- Lean on others: you are not a burden, those within your support network want to support you. Let them in. It is not a weakness to accept help, it is a strength. They want to help, give them an opportunity to do so by letting them know what is helpful & what is not.
- This is not your fault: It is common to blame ourselves for things beyond our control. It is easy to internalize this process and feel we might be responsible for aspects of this journey. You are not to blame. Please give yourself grace with kindness and compassion.
- Avoid Unsupportive Relationships: It is okay to protect yourself from situations or people who may not feel supportive during this time. If and when the time is right, you can reconnect with those you have missed.
- Boundaries are Healthy: Although you may feel some pressure or obligation to attend events you are invited to, it is important to be reminded that boundaries are healthy. You do not have to attend gatherings that may feel triggering (for example, a baby shower or sip n’ see). If the thought of attending an event feels anxiety provoking, overwhelming or daunting, it is completely acceptable to send regards and not attend. At times we may still attend and then notice it is highly triggering, and in those cases, it is completely acceptable to leave. It is equally important that others understand that you should have a choice in attending, and not exclude you by making assumptions that you do not want to go. It is still nice to be invited and not feel excluded. With that said, it would be helpful to let your support circle know, as they will likely understand & support you.
- One Day At A Time: Sometimes too much focus on the “what-ifs” and the future can feel overwhelming. It can also create this general fear of disappointment. Some find it beneficial to focus on one step at a time, one test at a time, one appointment at a time, one day at a time, rather than focus on the big picture. It is easier said than done, but it is what we would continue to work on throughout this journey.
Please remember to give yourself grace, kindness & compassion.
This journey is filled with many different emotions, all of which are completely valid.
Lisha Cash, MSW, RSW
Psychotherapist